After all the excitement and terror from the wee hours of the morning, we were blessed with a few hours of minimal interference from the nurses.
That was to be short-lived, however...
Sheena (I think that was her first name...I was too sleep-deprived to remember and much too annoyed to care by the time it was all over), or, as Lyndsay dubbed her, "Nurse Ratchet") was an absolute windbag of condescension and annoyance.
Since Lyndsay had an unplanned C-Section and Quinn had difficulty at birth, they were being checked every hour or so for vitals, etc. This entire process typically takes anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes...15 at the most.
Nurse Ratchet, however, would spend, on average, 45 minutes out of every hour in the birthing suite droning on and on about whatever ridiculously pointless prattle popped into her unjustifiably arrogant head.
Here's an example:
Lyndsay's mother runs a daycare and has for most of Lyndsay's life. Lyndsay helped out with said daycare from time to time, changing diapers on occasion, etc. We informed Nurse Ratchet of this.
I have 4 other children, and have successfully changed thousands of diapers in my lifetime. We informed nurse Ratchet of this.
Nurse Ratchet, having been informed thusly, decided that a 30 minute lecture on how to change a diaper was in order. At one point, I even interrupted her diatribe and reiterated that we both knew how to change diapers. She didn't even acknowledge that I had said anything, continuing to spout off the steps to changing diapers.
Similar lectures were given on such classic subjects as "How to avoid getting peed on by little boys" (during which, she got peed on), "How to Bathe Babies" (during which her "instruction" continued regardless of the fact that both Lyndsay and I were in and out of sleep due to her earlier lectures not allowing us to get any rest whatsoever), and "How to Burp Your Baby", which was completely ignored by both Lyndsay and myself, as we continued our conversation that Nurse Ratchet had interrupted.
We endured this utterly unhelpful and torturous individual for 12 hours. I was on the verge of telling her to go fuck herself, but I was stopped by prudence and by Lyndsay giving me near-constant "don't you dare" looks every time she came into the room for one of her "Vitals and Lectures" series...
Luckily, after that day, we never saw Nurse Ratchet again...
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